Pointless Dreams
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Submitted by Managing Editor on Tue, 15/12/2009 - 8:55pm
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By Beth Searle
The stadium was packed, the crowd was roaring; cheering for me. I stood up, took a bow and ... “Scarlett, would you care to grace us with your presence and you may like to sit down as well.” Miss Sutton said sternly, making the fantasy of my daydream disappear.
“Uh, yes Miss,” I answered. I could feel my face turning a bright scarlet, ironically enough as I stared up at the board. I could hear the group of girls giggling hysterically behind me. They really detested me and I couldn’t for the life of me work out why. Then it dawned on me, there were only five other girls in my year and they all hovered around Crystal, the most popular girl in school. They would rather eat leeches than invite a new comer to their clique.
The bell rang and the sound of scraping chairs and pencil case zips filled the air. I stood up and began to weave my way to the door. The PA crackled into life, “Sorry for this interruption, but would Scarlett McKenna please go to the principal’s office immediately.” I sighed. This was just what I needed, a visit to the principal on my second day. The long walk to the principal’s office seemed to take a lifetime. I knocked on the door and walked in to face my punishment.
“Scarlett, just the person I wanted to see,” he said in a jolly tone. “I hear you’re a talented performer and was wondering if you’d like to sing at the assembly tomorrow?” he asked excitedly. I was taken aback; this was not what I had expected. I sat there with my mouth open, gaping like a fish. “So?” he repeated.
“Umm, well I’m flattered, but ... I can’t ... well, I guess I can.” I stuttered.
“Fantastic! Well I’ll let you set up tomorrow morning and you’ll be performing last.” He enthused.
“Great.” I said still completely gobsmacked. I stood up in a daze and floated off to my next class not realising what I was in for.
The next morning when I arrived at school I couldn’t walk straight I was so nervous. I went to the hall to set up for my performance and double checked that everything was working. I finished and rushed to my first class to arrive just as the bell went. Crystal and her followers were giggling as usual, but I thought nothing of it. I had a quick glance at my chair before I sat down, just to make sure and went straight to my work.
The bell went for recess and I went and sat at my usual, lonely place under the oak trees; I couldn’t eat though, the butterflies were flapping at full force. Instead I started warming up; practicing simple breathing exercises and scales to get ready. Everyone was starting to move, so I assumed recess was over. I took one last deep breath and went to face the lions.
The crowd went completely silent as I stepped onto the stage. I looked around and sat at the piano. I could hear a familiar giggling coming from the front row. I blocked it out; I placed my hands on the keys of the piano and began to play.
“Oi! We can’t hear you!” one of the drop-kicks from the footy team yelled. I glanced to the edge of the stage; no one was there to help. I began to sing, but my mic wasn’t on. Tears pricked in my eyes as I pressed on; this wasn’t an emotional song but now I was crying. Crystal yelled something about me being tone deaf and others mimicked her. I was good, I knew I was good, but someone had tampered with my gear. I sang one last line, stood up and ran off stage. The laughter followed me as I collapsed against a wall and burst into tears. Mr Holloway came and gave me a reassuring smile, but I knew I would never perform at this school again.
For the rest of the day I faced a wall of laughter and mockery. My only relief was to confine myself to the familiarity of the piano in the music room. The soothing sounds of the piano couldn’t console me so I decided to take my anger out on the drums. Tears poured down my face, the sound of my sobs filled the air. I wasn’t strong enough to face a life of loneliness; I needed someone to talk to, to tell what was going on. Exhaustion overtook me and I went and curled up on one of the beanbags in the corner. Announcements came over the PA several times for me, but I didn’t care, I needed time to think.
The bell went for lunch and I heard people walk into the music room. I quickly sat up and rubbed my eyes. It was a group of boys whom I had seen before. I recognised them as the school’s best musos, but they weren’t about being famous; they just wanted to make good music. They were exactly who I wanted to be. I stood up awkwardly, grabbed my guitar and started to head towards the door; strumming and humming anything that came to mind. The group of three boys turned around like they hadn’t seen me there before.
“Hi,” I mumbled.
They looked at me with a confused look. “You play guitar?” one of the boys, Harry, asked as he sat at the drum kit. His dark brown hair fell into his eyes and he flicked it out effortlessly all in one motion.
“Yeah ... I play a bit of drums too,” I replied and stopped playing, pausing at the door. “Hey, would you guys mind if I listened to you practice?” I asked uncertainly, secretly hoping they may require my expertise to help them with a song. I immediately erased that thought from my head, why would they want someone like me to help them? I crumbled under the pressure of my peers, I was weak. I turned to the door.
“Wait,” Tristan said as he got his guitar out of the case. I turned around. “Aren’t you the girl who sang today?” They had just worked out who I was, great.
“Well, I attempted to.” I said and tried to force a weak smile, realising I probably looked like a clown with my puffy eyes and blotchy forehead.
“Well what we heard over all the yelling was pretty good. And you certainly know your way around a piano.” I could feel my face going scarlet again. No one had ever complimented me like that. I put my guitar in its case; my face was burning.
“Sorry, but I just realised I really have to get to science or else Mrs Jenkinson will use my guts for garters.” I flashed a quick smile, picked up my guitar and school bag and headed for the gate. My mum wouldn’t be happy, but I was on cloud nine. I couldn’t let my head get too big though or else I was going to end up like Crystal.
By lunchtime the next day I was back to reality. I arrived at school to face everyone yelling at me, because I was supposedly tone deaf and people were imitating me crying. The only slightly funny thing was when someone who obviously couldn’t spell wrote on my locker, ‘Lern 2 sing crie babby.’ I had a little giggle at their stupidity. I bypassed the canteen to sit under the oak trees for lunch, where no one came to bother me. I was in my own little world humming my favourite song, when I noticed three figures coming across the oval. They were getting closer. “Great” I thought; someone else to make fun of me. But the figures turned out to be Tristan, Harry and Leigh, the boys from yesterday.
They sat down next to me and got straight to the point. “Scarlett, we know you live and breathe music just as much as we do and we think you’d be a great lead singer for our band. So, what do you say? We know you were humiliated the other day, but we think you’ll blow them away with us,” Tristan said pointedly. I just sat with my mouth open.
“You can play keys and guitar too … If you want,” Leigh said. “We know you don’t know us too well, but we know you’re like us,” he added; he had a hopeful look in his eyes. I smiled and laughed; this was going from being one of the worst days to the best day. The three of them looked at me with a shared confused look.
“Ok, well as you probably can tell. I’ve thought long and hard about this, in the twenty seconds you gave me, and I would be honoured to join your band! You guys are the closest thing I‘ve had to friends since I got here!” I said. Tears were starting to well up, but they were happy tears, not sad. I looked around and they were laughing. “What?” I asked.
“You really are a cry baby, but you can sing.” They said together. I laughed; I could tell these guys were genuine. “Group hug.” Harry said and we all embraced. These guys were my type of friends.
We decided to get started straight away on the band, so we met in the music room after school. As an initiation, I had to sing Eye of the Tiger. I knew the song well so it was more of a vocal warm up. Tristan and Harry laughed at my bad air guitar and Leigh managed to keep a straight face until I started dancing.
The boys played me some of their stuff and they were fantastic. With Harry on drums, Tristan on keys and guitar and Leigh on bass they sounded amazing. No wonder everyone thought they were going to make it big. I sat with my guitar and played bits and pieces when I worked out some of the tunes. I also started humming some simple melodies, which we could add lyrics to.
Two hours later we decided to call it quits. I hadn’t realised we had been playing for so long, but I was glad. Music was my answer to therapy and it cost nothing. We walked to the gate together, chatting about random things like old friends. When we reached the main road we all walked our separate ways promising to hang out tomorrow and get some more ideas going for the band. I was ecstatic. For once since we had moved here, I was actually excited about coming to school.
I dawdled home and arrived just as Mum pulled into the driveway. I collected the cartons of take-away from the back seat and trudged inside, not saying a word. This was the third time this week we’d had junk for tea and frankly, I was craving some vegetables that weren’t pre-packaged. My happiness was well and truly gone as we sat on the couch for tea. Mum attempted the usual conversations, but I blocked her out. It was her fault Dad had left; her fault that we had no dining table. And her fault that I had to sell my drum kit to pay for her gambling habit. As soon as I’d finished the last mouthful of the stir-fry rubbish, I went to bed. There was nothing else to do. Mum sold the TV early in the piece and she’d go mental if I disturbed her by playing piano or singing, or as she called it “pointless racquet that lead to pointless dreams”. Thinking of that maddened me so much I was actually considering going out there and confronting her, but I thought better of it. Better not to disturb the peace and just sleep.
I got up extra early the next morning to arrive at school before everyone else. If I could avoid the lions at least once today I would be happy. I headed straight to the music room. I had just sat down at the piano when Tristan, Harry and Leigh arrived. “Fancy seeing you here,” Harry said.
“I thought I’d come and try and get some therapy in before everyone started picking me apart again,” I explained. They looked at each other and laughed. “I know, I know, I’m crazy,” I said sarcastically and laughed too. Being in the band and having fun again was better therapy than I could have imagined. Tristan let me play keys, to show him his competition. I willingly obliged and played a song I had thought of as I walked to school. I could hear my fingers telling untold stories as they brushed over the keys. My song was filled with the soft sound of my voice and the piano as they combined together telling of my pain. I finished and no one spoke. I looked around, wondering if I had sounded ok. I played a silly little trill to lighten the mood.
“Wow,” they said in unison.
“You really need to write that song down!” Leigh said. And with that, the bell went for homeroom. I stood up and left, mentioning something about meeting there at recess.
I was amazed that I had left some of the most talented musicians speechless. That’s all I could think about through my first two classes. When it came to recess, I went to the music room. It was becoming routine, but that was fine with me. Tristan, Harry and Leigh were there, but they hadn’t set up yet. “You guys ok?” I asked.
“We have something to tell you,” Harry said. I nodded, but wasn’t sure where this was going to end up.
“Mr Holloway asked us if we’d perform on Monday at assembly,” Tristan said quickly, trying to minimise the pain, I assumed.
I contemplated telling them to get real, as if I was going to humiliate myself again, but then I realised if it wasn’t for these guys I’d still be crying over my last performance.
“What song are we performing?” I asked. They all did a bit of a double take.
“You want to perform?” Leigh asked, unsure.
“Why not?” I replied.
“That’s awesome! We thought you wouldn’t want to, but we’re glad you can,” Tristan said, a smile spreading across his face.
“Well let’s get going then,” I said. We had a long discussion about who should do what and what song we would sing. They all agreed that we should perform my song, but with a slightly more rock feel. I was flattered; a song I had made up in my head was going to be performed with a full band. I would play piano, Harry on drums, Leigh on bass and Tristan on guitar and backing vocals. The only other thing we needed to work out was a name. We decided to meet back at lunch time to practice and find a name.
For the second time this week I floated through my classes. Miss Sutton was starting to get frustrated with my lack of interest in algebraic functions, but I had other, more important things on my mind. She glared at me and I pretended to write random numbers down. She made a tsking sound and strutted away. When lunch arrived, I rocketed out of the room before the final bell went and virtually ran to the music room.
I arrived to the sound of guitars being tuned and piano scales. I walked in and sat down next to Tristan at the piano. “You ready?” he asked.
“Never been more ready I my life.” I replied. Tristan stood up and adjusted the mic above the piano. He then picked up his guitar and went and stood beside Leigh. I played through the song again and then we started fiddling around with arrangements. We were sounding great together; everything was gelling. By the end of lunch we had the song down pat, now all we needed was a name for the band. The it hit me; I had the perfect name for the band: Compos mentis. The band was the only thing keeping me sane so why not call it that? The boys agreed and we finally felt ready to perform in front of the most judgmental crowd around - our peers.
Mum’s car wasn’t in the driveway when I got home, so I assumed she wasn’t home yet. I walked inside to find her lying on the couch asleep; her tearstained cheeks and blotchy skin a clear sign that she’d been crying. I picked up some of the papers scattered on the floor. They were all bills, people wanting money that we didn’t have. I guessed from that that she’d gone and sold the car. I skimmed through a few of them and found a letter from mum’s work, they had fired her! I looked from the letter to my sleeping mother in disbelief. I knew she wasn’t the best mum, but work was all she had. We needed that money. I sat down on the wooden floor and thought; how could we survive until mum got a new job? I didn’t have any qualifications apart from my music. I would have to talk to Tristan, Harry and Leigh tomorrow, they would understand. Until then it looked like stale bread and cheese for tea.
Monday at school was a mixture of excitement and nerves. The boys and I got the first two classes off to set up for our performance. This time I wasn’t going to let Crystal and her followers wreck my stuff, I was going to show them what I was made of. Harry was up in the light box fiddling around with the lights while Tristan plugged in amps. Leigh was tuning his guitar and I warmed up my voice. We had a last run through the song, which we named Scarring From The Inside. I was starting to get nervous and the anxiety only increased when I was told parents were invited. I knew my mum wouldn’t come, so at least I didn’t have to worry about the lecture about pointless dreams.
Mr Holloway introduced us and the crowd cheered. They obviously didn’t know I was in the band. When I walked out on stage, it was clear that they did know. Big signs lined the front row saying ‘Protect our ears, Scarlett we fear’. I felt a wave of nausea go through me.
“Breathe.” I thought. “Just breathe.” We all took our places and began to play. I concentrated on singing and the piano and nothing else. I could hear people talking in the front row, but I ignored it. This was our time to shine. We performed better than we could have hoped, and by the end of it the crowd were cheering and clapping. I looked out to the crowd and saw some surprised faces. We stood up and walked off stage, this time a wave of applause followed us. As soon as we got to the safety of backstage I jumped around like a complete psycho.
“We did it! They liked us!” I exclaimed. I stopped only when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around. I had to look twice; it was my mum. “What are you doing here?” I asked. She looked around at Tristan, Harry and Leigh. She looked embarrassed.
“Well since work fired me, I realised how much I depended on the income and how much I’ve put you through ... I’m sorry, about everything, we’ll find a way to make it better and get your drum kit back. You’re going to need it if you’re going to be in a band.” She said with tears welling up and hugged me. I almost pushed her away, but she had just poured her heart out in front of my friends and she came and saw me perform; she supported me for the first time in my life and she was trying to change. I hugged her back and smiled, I was starting to get my mum back. I could hear the boys discussing something and looked up. They stopped talking.
“We have an idea,” Tristan said. “We know you guys are going through a tough time and we’ve thought of a way you can perform and get some money.”
“How?” I asked, confused.
“Well, Hits Online is running a competition to discover new bands and just for putting your band out there you get $1,000. If you win you get $15,000 and the chance to produce an EP!”
“You serious? Wow, that’s amazing guys! I would love to. Thank you so much. When do we start?” I said, totally in awe of the generosity of my new friends.
“How does lunchtime sound?” Tristan asked.
“I’m there!” I said. My mum was beaming, she looked happy with my new friends. This was the first time she’d come to support me and I was glad. I smiled back and walked her to the front gate.
Lunchtime came and we worked on all different songs for the competition. Leigh had signed us up online, so now we were $1,000 richer. I thanked all of them profusely for their generosity, but they just shouldered it off saying that that’s what friends do. By the end we had decided to perform my song - Scarring From The Inside, Tristan’s song You Wouldn’t Know, and a cover of Michael Paynter’s Money On Your Tongue. The competition was in under a week, but we were more than ready. It was like we were meant to perform together.
For the next week we practiced every day. The songs were sounding amazing and we even had some new stuff. We were sounding like a well oiled machine. Crystal and her followers were still ignoring me, but I didn’t care. I had better friends than she ever would. Now I walked around the school with my head held high, knowing that I could be strong, I was strong. The competition was getting closer, but I wasn’t anxious at all. Performing and music was our thing and no one could stop us.
The day of the competition arrived and we all piled into Harry’s mum’s car. I was squashed in the backseat between Tristan, Leigh, a guitar and an amp. Not my idea of a fun car ride, but we had a laugh at how silly we probably looked packed into the car like sardines. We got to the stadium where the competition was being held and it was packed. It appeared every man and his dog had arrived to see what some up and coming acts had to offer. We weaved our way through the crowd to the registration desk and found out we would be performing last. It was that exact moment when the nerves kicked in. We would have to see all the other bands raise the bar. I just hoped it wasn’t too high for us to reach.
The first band was a punk band called ‘We’re not like Elvis.’ They were really enthusiastic and had the crowd involved. The second band was a girl group called ‘Ferrari Pink.’ Again, they were quite good; they made up for their lack of quality vocals with fantastically choreographed dance routines. It went on like that for the next seven bands. They were all really good and I was starting to doubt whether we were good enough. Tristan, Harry, Leigh and I had a last minute pump up session before we went on stage.
The announcer called us out and we bounded on to the stage and the crowd cheered. We took our spots and began with Scarring From The Inside. The crowd loved it. By the end of the second chorus they knew most of the words. I smiled broader than I ever thought I could. We then played You Wouldn’t Know. Tristan’s vocals were amazing and Harry’s drum solo excited the crowd. Our last song was Money On Your Tongue, the Michael Paynter cover.
Leigh ripped it up with his guitar solo, and the crowd went wild when I soared over the climax of the song. All I could think as we finished the last song was, ‘We just played for a packed stadium and they were cheering for us!’ I ran that thought over and over in my head. We took a bow and bounded off stage. They were still cheering. We hi-fived each-other, all with huge grins on our faces.
The winner was about to be announced. All the bands were squashed onto the stage waiting anxiously for the verdict. The crowd was whispering intently.
“We’ve had some awesome talent this year and we congratulate you all, but the winner today is… Compos Mentis!” the MC called. He handed us a trophy and a novelty cheque for $15,000. We jumped up and down, screamed and hugged one another. We had done it! Compos Mentis was now the Hits Online Best New Band! We could now release an EP and help my mum.
The rest of the day was crazy; we had to speak to newspaper reporters and radio stations. I was still in shock, but grateful that we had won. For Tristan, Harry, Leigh and I music was what we did; it was what made us happy and how we expressed ourselves. By the time we’d finished it was after eleven pm, so we all crammed back into Harry’s mum’s car and went back to his house. We celebrated in typical musical style by writing songs about everything until we all fell asleep.
The next day we were greeted at school by a sea of cheering, even my mum was there to cheer us on. Mr Holloway asked us to perform a concert at lunchtime and we happily obliged. We were living the dream. I really felt honoured to be a part of Compos Mentis and to have friends who were willing to do anything to help my mum and me.
The stage was set; we walked out onto the stage to an ear-splitting roar from the crowd. We performed the three songs we sang at the Hits Online competition. The guitars sounded big and Harry on drums beat the house down. We saved a new song with just me on piano until last. I heard the crowd draw in a breath. I centered myself and began to play. My fingers ran over the keys like it was second nature. My voice soared over the highs and lows of the song. The audience remained quiet. I flashed a quick smile at Tristan, Harry and Leigh; they smiled and gave me a big thumbs up. I almost laughed, but regained composure to finish the song. I played the last chord and sang the last note. The crowd was roaring, cheering for me. I stood up and took a bow and dragged Tristan, Harry and Leigh out with me to soak up the applause. We stood arm in arm, grinning from ear to ear. I finally felt like my ‘pointless’ dreams were coming true.
